Much Ado About Having Sex With Lesbians | Autostraddle

It’s been a large week for homosexual-related first individual narratives in liberal-and-feminist-but-mostly-heterosexual magazines!

Our very own very first piece concerns united states via xojane, the women’s site oriented upwards by Jane Pratt (my character)

(i am significant) of

Sassy

and

Jane.

Entitled »
I’m a Lesbian Pillow Princess
,» this portion falls under the «It Happened in my experience» feature that also existed at JANE journal and consists mostly of writer/reader-submitted records of subjectively interesting private experiences.

The unknown composer of this part, whom I’ll phone «Ariel,» is clearly bisexual, but because she conveniently supplies blow tasks to the woman male associates but doesn’t date or frequently go down on women, she’s, she explains, theoretically, only a »

Lesbian

Pillow Princess.» (She additionally identifies herself as «mostly straight» and «straight» at various other points from inside the narrative.) The woman reputation started, she clarifies, whenever her very first lesbian hookup — a smokin’ hot dyke named Kelly at the woman university — went down on the for one hour. She la-la-la-loved it and immediately fled the world fearing her own incapacity to perform these great cunnilingus upon Kelly for such a prolonged time frame.

She writes:

«Needless to say, phrase got around that she and that I had hooked up which I would left this lady clinging, which in fact had the unusual effectation of giving myself folk-heroine standing. Kelly also known as myself a «pillow princess,» and henceforth, I happened to be one. It had been like some type of motion picture conceit where the champion is mistaken for a high profile and extends to drive in a limo and stay in a fancy resort as a result of it.»

This seemingly entirely exercised within her support, as she romped about in university connecting with lots of «aggressive kinds exactly who got off about proven fact that I was reluctant to leave a lady touch myself.» Post-college, she moved on to your internet, where she promoted the lady calm standing and sometimes found with women for NSA sex.

Close to the conclusion she problematically clarifies that when starting up with a female she is perhaps not keen on, she just shuts her eyes and envisions another person «while [the lesbian] does her thing.» Sometimes it appears like she wishes females to eat her away simply because they may be presumably better at it than guys are. She

could

go lower on it but «I’m not internet dating them, and I do not think i might wish to have my fetish corrupted by caring for a person enough to surrender.»

I mightnot need to sit down close to Ariel on an airplane, but her one-sided sexual experiences tend to be consensual and she is only advising a genuine story of the woman existence, therefore I’m not positive what things to model of this (and that I’m curious to understand what you create from it, if such a thing).

Subsequently, on Jezebel (via
The Good Men Project
) there is
I Married a Lesbian (and I also’m a man)
. The author, Hugo Schwyzer, «tended in order to get crushes for a passing fancy brand of girl: the celebrity baseball member, the soccer forward, the swimmer. Some had been lesbians. Some weren’t.» He questioned:

What exactly is it that drew myself so frequently to women that were same-sex attracted? It certainly wasn’t the stereotypical male fantasy with what they certainly were performing in bed, and it also undoubtedly had nothing in connection with a macho opinion that I could switch a gay woman straight.

In areas, the part (which really does tred on some stereotypical floor) reminded me of this price from

Girls Next-door

,
that we quoted in an article about feminine masculinity
:

«â€¦if we had to help make an added generalization about lesbian flavor, it will be that many you are powerfully attracted to women, homosexual or right, breathtaking or not, which seem as if they can resolve themselves.»

The writer sooner or later marries a lesbian just who displayed as directly, and then he found their unique causing love life become unsatisfactory. She refused to offer him blow tasks and don’t enjoy penetration but joyfully accepted his offerings of cunnilingus. When their sexless relationship finished in divorce or separation and a drug relapse (for him), he is seemingly caring to his ex-wife’s strive instead labeling the woman as misleading (as numerous associated with the commenters would):

She had result from a conventional household that would happen profoundly embarrassed to have a homosexual child. She may have understood, but did the lady best to hide it, maybe wishing that the woman feelings might change. Or she may have been like many ladies I identified, and just discovered her true sexual identity after already becoming hitched to a guy.

What exactly is redeeming relating to this article in my experience that the author’s conception of his personal sex is certainly caused by without the original masculine posturing one might expect in a bit like this (the guy actually describes themselves as «femmy»). Maybe it really appears that method because guys very seldom share wishing strong, sports, strong ladies with short-hair; but it is energizing nevertheless.

Really don’t mistake Hugo or Ariel for advising their stories, but it’s really worth discussing that both narratives seem to drive throughout the concept that room conduct is the ultimate/only litmus test of sexuality. Hugo and Courtney enjoy both’s business, but Hugo alludes to Courtney’s disinterest in entrance as a «warning indication» he missed, when entrance is actually barely a specifically heterosexual work (it seems more inclined Courtney dreaded the intimacy of entrance with a man she didn’t truly want to get with, yet that knows) and falling in love, finally, is mostly about your snatch but it’s also about your cardiovascular system and it’s generally about having romantic emotions. Those romantic thoughts are just what turns a hook-up commitment into a relationship, in the end.

Ultimately at

neurological.com

we have a nice story straight from the horse’s lips —
My Personal Very First Time: Female. 17. San Francisco
. I do believe this is the first-time the «First Time» series has presented a lesbian.

Generally, in ninth quality, the author confessed to her companion that she had lesbian emotions on her behalf, and her companion reciprocated, as well as proceeded to carry on a covert lesbian connection and they’re however collectively today and she is a grown-up in the military!

It seems they have but to get their union outside of the closet, that’s slightly puzzling, but whatever

. [

ETA

: works out this story was created before DADT was actually repealed, even though it just adopted posted, consequently you’ll find nothing puzzling happening right here. This is simply straight-up nice atlanta divorce attorneys way, unequivocally.]

The main focus in the piece (in fact it is very pretty and nice) is found on the author’s development of
exactly what lesbian sex IS
:

We’d never gone down on each various other, and I was actually confident that’s what we would meant whenever we said we wanted to have sexual intercourse. (Now I realize that there is even more to fucking than licking a woman’s snatch and contacting it everyday.)

She concludes:

I understand that a lot of people disagree regarding what virginity method for a gay woman, but virginity is totally subjective, plus it actually depends upon who you’re inquiring. People might say penetration has to be involved, but I think it’s doing anyone shedding his/her virginity. Easily feel I’ve missing my virginity, next goddammit, We have!

I have invested all the early morning and afternoon staring at word press, racking your brains on just what point i really could generate about any of these pieces. I thought alot about the reason we’d never ever submit «I became a Lesbian Pillow Princess» with this site but can not get past the explanation that I’d worry 50 of you would vow to never go back right here while the remaning many-thousands people would fight with one another about bisexual erasure/lesbian erasure till the heat death of the world. We envisioned some body publishing «I happened to be a Lesbian Pillow Princess» to united states via e-mail then We dreamed the editorial meeting in which we would get to that story and all sorts of state «NO» as well.

In seeking a spot to gleam because of these stories, I’ve tried to determine what you might consider or say, and I can’t, and I would you like to finish this blog post as soon as possible to accelerate the process of me determining what you believe about these stories. Yup, for the first time ever since beginning Autostraddle, i have had gotten not a clue what things to say about anything. So maybe i ought to simply ask you — what exactly is your response to these pieces?